This Australian IG Account Documents Ugly Houses In Melbourne, And They Are So Bad, It’s Hilarious (89 Pics)

Not everything in Australia is “upside down”. Sure, their Christmas is in the summer and they might have a BBQ to celebrate it, but in some ways, they’re just like us Northern Hemisphere folks. Our fascination with bad architecture, for example, is equally obsessive.

Turns out, the Irish, Belgians, and Dutch aren’t the only ones shaming their native buildings on Instagram. There’s an account called Ugly Melbourne Houses doing precisely the same on the other end of the world.

Taste is universal. I know. But ironically, it’s what allows this online project to make fun of the houses it wants to. Here are some of them!

More info: Instagram

#1 Proudness Doesn’t Even Begin To Describe How I’m Feeling After Receiving This Piece Of Moderne Arte Collage In My Inbox

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#2 Amy’s Winehouse

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#3 How’s Everyone’s Week Been? Chaotic? Jumbled? Overly Complicated? Yep. Me Too

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#4 They Forgot The Plaster Lions

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#5 Picasso’s Lovechild

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#6 Melborgian “Trying To Take Your Underpants Off Without Taking Your Trousers Off First” Robot Moderne

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#7 Everybody Who Lives Here Loves Maths

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#8 Hang On. Wait… What?! Your Therapist And Your Massive Inflatable Santa Supplier Are The Same Person?!

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#9 When You Really Need A Haircut After Lockdown

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#10 Life Is Just About Trying To Do The Very Best You Can Do With The Size Of Window That You Have

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#11 Every Time I Try To Build A Custom Sims House

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#12 Cheeky Brick Butt Cheeks Wrapped In An Oh-So-Saucy Garter Belt Portico

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#13 Intergalactic Evil Mammoth Boxy Square Bonnet Wearing Robot Worm Computer Mansion

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#14 Some Cardboard Boxes On A Rocky Outcrop

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#15 Knit My Bricks Up

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#16 Cloudsome

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#17 Those Aren’t Balconies, They’re Actually Hay Feeders For Giraffes

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#18 Anyone Got An Id On This LEGO Set?

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#19 How’s Everyone’s Week Been? Exciting With Lots Of Variety? Or Just Pretty Much Exactly The Same With Very Slight Shades Of Difference

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#20 The Hills Have Eyes

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#21 Wizard’s Spaceship Marina Rocket Discoteque Pants Hot Tub Balcony Time Machine Post Moderne

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#22 That’s A Serious Sixpack

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#23 If Large Cars = Small-Membered Owners, What On Earth Does This Symbolise?

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#24 When A Friend Doesn’t Invite You To Their House And You’re Really Quite Relieved About It Actually

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#25 It Looks Like A Shower

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#26 High Tight Brick Pants

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#27 Golden Graytime Jazzercise Spacesuit Jumpsuit Wangle Angle Window Panels A La Clipped Clop Shrubbery-Au-Go-Go

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#28 The Correct Amount Of Massively Over-Scaled Balcony Addition

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#29 Heritage Hard Drive Moderne

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#30 Wonky De-Chopped Sandwiched Double Setbacked Hard Drive Second Hand Business Suit Robot Moderne

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#31 The Best Amount Of Arches

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#32 Mix N’ Match Tiny Hamptons Picnic Time Active Wear Tracksuit Pants Moderne

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#33 Maison De La Razor Sharp Deep Space Accountant’s Lunchtime Workout Shellsuit Tracksuit Jumpsuit Pants Suit A La Angles De La Bangles

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#34 Nice Hat Dude

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#35 All Roads Lead To Somewhere In South Australia

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#36 The Correct Amount Of Miniature Grand Ceremonial Arch

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#37 Animal Print Is A Neutral

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#38 Caravan Of Courage

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#39 A Short Time Ago, In A Suburb Not That Far Far Away

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#40 Are Your Friends Hassling You To Have A Big One Tonight? But You’re Feeling A Little Too Dilapidated Castle… Why Not Stay In And Relax. You’ll Feel A Lot Less Overgrown And Smelling Like Something Died Inside You Tomorrow Morning

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#41 Incomplete Spacestationist Moderne

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#42 Nuthin Ron With This

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#43 2021 Is Gonna Be All About Making Things That Look Like They Shouldn’t Be That Complicated Look Slightly More Complicated Than Less Complicated Versions Of A Far More Complicated Version Of Their Most Complicated Self

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#44 The Absolute Bare Minimum Amount Of Quite A Lot Of House

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#45 Aqua Marina Moque Tudor Wizard

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#46 Wavy Flagstone Spaceship Accountancy Surfshop Conference Centre Moderne

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#47 Life Can Sometimes Feel Like You Are Dragging Yourself Up A Hill Sideways Wearing A Heavily Monotoned Concrete Render Suit Weighed Down By A Massively Oversized Entry Portico

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#48 The Empire Sets Back

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#49 In N’ Out Under Over-Deconstructionism-Ness

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#50 Sometimes The Biggest Risks We Take Are Those We Take With Our Hearts. Our Canopies. And All Those Other Bits. Everywhere

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#51 Exactly Correctly The Precise Amount Of Just A Bit Too Much Of Not Enough Of The Least Amount Of What Was Required… There

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#52 Perfectly Pitched For A Neighbourhood Near You

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#53 Dude… You’re Looking Really Tired

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#54 Barbie’s Dream House

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#55 Like A Putrid Chocolate Milkshake

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#56 I Think They Could’ve Squeezed Another One In

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#57 Gold Coast House Of The Year

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#58 Something Something Windows

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#59 A Prickly Situation Waiting To Happen

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#60 We All Need A Friend Who’s Always There To Temporarily Support Your Facade

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#61 Robot Winter Is Coming

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#62 It Helps Steer The Eye Away From The 50’s Kitchen Table Laminate Facade

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#63 Giants Also Need Homes

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#64 Seamlessness-Ness

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#65 And On The Eighth Day, The Awlmitey Created Faux Neo Baroque Open Roller Disco Porticos

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#66 Name A More Iconic Intergalactic Retro Bricky Orangey Deep Fried Space Duo, We’ll Wait

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#67 1980s Beige Tubular Trouser Slacks Columns Giraffe Compliant Accounting Conference Centre Post Moderne

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#68 Adidas Tracksuit Pants Moderne

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#69 This House Never Skips Column Day

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#70 How’s Everyone’s Week Been? Inexplicably Complicated? Full Of Giant Setbacks? Lacking Any Real Over-Arching Logical Thematic Or Stylistic Aesthetic Direction? Yeh Mine Too

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#71 Business In The Front, Party In The Back

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#72 Mary Poppins’ Lsd Dreamland Winky Wonky Summertime Lovin’ Peculiar Palazzo-A-Palooza

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#73 I Can Pretty Much Do This Job With My Hands Behind My Back

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#74 Facade Du La Kit Kat

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#75 In Life, Most Things Are Half As Good As You Think They’ll Be 50% Of The Time

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#76 Are You Struggling To Go Beyond One Word Descriptors For Fugly Houses You Encounter?

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#77 My Mate Dave Has A Tyreless-Less Devotion To His Front Garden

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#78 Kaptain Kraft Shingles Triple Stacked Soft Buttery Pastel Cheesecake Massive Garage Mcmoderne With A Side Of Unfinished Landscape Dressings

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#79 When It’s Only Wednesday But Your Column Just Thinking ‘Bout The Weekend

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#80 Your Dreams Are Like The Left Half Of This “Balcony”… Totally Pointless And Likely To Result In Horrific Injury If You Dwell On Them For Too Long

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#81 Maison De La Triple Ripple Elongated Bo Beep Mansard Fairy Prairy Princess A La Lovingly Tended White Rose Promendade

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#82 Exactly The Correct Amount Of Quite A Lot Of Garages

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#83 Colonel Pistachio’s Tudor Turrets Raise Up My Peppermint Helicopter Roller Disco Roundabout

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#84 When Your Dating Profile Said “Homely”, I Didn’t Think It Would Actually Mean “Massive, Vacant, And Covered In Tatts”

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#85 Don’t Forget People… You’ve Only Got Til June 30 To Make Your Home Giraffe Ready

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#86 You Know When You Try And Assemble Something From A Box And You Always End Up With A Bit Of Some Type Of Roof Left Over At The End And You’re All Like “Hope That Wasn’t Important”

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#87 Stay Strong Old Fella… That Concrete Panel Wall Is Probably More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Him

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses

#88 Look At You Four. All Dressed Identically. You Can’t Go Out Like That

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#89 Just Because It Looks Like A Giraffe Doesn’t Mean It Has

Image credits: uglymelbournehouses